On this wild ride we call life I've found that most experiences I encounter are hard to say.
Join me as I navigate the vulnerabilities of what it means to share.
this is my alchemy.
There is a trigger warning for this website. I cover heavy topics so please be prepared. Disclaimer: This website is a personal collection of research, experiences and events. This website should not be considered therapy, medical care or medical advice.
In May 2020 I found myself in the hospital, on my death bed from a lifetime eating disorder. This Is Hard To Say is how I’ve alchemized that experience and the many other hard experiences I’ve survived.
I often find myself wanting to bring awareness to the depths of being human and find myself lost on which container to hold these depths. Not only was I unsure of the container but I consistently fought my ability to handle what it feels like to be vulnerable. The reality, is that I've done more than survive the trauma I've experienced.. I have committed to healing. And I'm still deeply in that journey. This is the place I've decided to tell the stories, the pain, the joy and everything in between.
The categories in my navigation and below are how I’ve chosen to organize my stories. From my creative lifestyle under 'Art For Breakfast' to 'Loss' where I find myself both lost and experiencing loss, they are all connected.
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Podcast coming soon.
Featured Podcast + Video
Hospitalization, Food Trauma + Reaching Our For Help Podcast episode with Chlo from Feed Your Flo featuring me.
A video snippet of me talking
about the coach I worked with
through Eating Disorder
recovery.
featured letters
I've been carrying around this backpack that's about as heavy as a 5 day backpacking trip in the Sierras. Only this backpack doesn't have food, clothes, sleeping bag or a tent. It's carrying shame and probably some guilt mixed with uncertainty.
I just took my first trip alone. Without Dutch.
I went camping some months ago with a different dog I was fostering but it was more of a distraction than a trip away.
I am trying to understand why there is still a stigma around therapy.
There's been a big awakening to it in my generation which has led many to see therapy truly as a good thing. At the same time some wouldn't be caught dead in therapy.
